Also, the support I have been getting from friends and family has been amazing. I certainly don't want to be that "woe is me, everyone feel sorry for me" person and I hope that it doesn't come across as that because I genuinely want people to feel happy instead of sad for us. However, it's really great to hear that just like I haven't forgotten about her, people haven't forgotten about Ryan and I. We are strong and we will be okay, but sometimes I just wanna talk about her. I really don't want to go on with my life pretending it never happened and getting over it. She blessed our lives in a variety of ways and yes, I miss her and will think about her every day forever.
One thing I have learned from the loss of my child is that this world is an amazing place. I know that it may have been easy to go the other direction and say that this is a cruel, sad world, but I would be kidding myself. I was blessed to have that child for the short time I did. She brought Ryan and I closer. She made me realize a true, true love that exists in a bond between a mother and a child. She has made me love and appreciate Riley more. I have learned to appreciate the beauty of this world and how everything is interconnected. I had an amazing experience with her passing that I will never forget (I felt her soul leave me). And I have realized how incredibly strong I am.
Now, to work on another baby... :)
The Hand I Was Dealt
Hold close onto your children
You know not what their future holds
You may have had a loss
So dark as mine, so cold
Her hands they looked so perfect
Her toes were God's great mold
Hold close onto your children
Their future may not be so bold
Be grateful for their laugh
Cherish their every cry
You may never know what it feels
To have that child die
It's not a hand I wish you hold
I never wished it upon myself
It's a pain so deep, it rocks your soul
It's the hand that I was dealt
I never heard her laugh
I never heard her cry
It's a tough reality to grasp
That we only said Goodbye
This poem always helped me through. I thought it might be helpful to you too.
ReplyDeleteI thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Thank you. That poem is sweet. :)
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